This week, we play historical video games! Nikki blinds multiple dogs with cayenne pepper because she’s a horrible monster in Freedom!, Cody belly flops into a wheelchair because stairs are hard in Stanley: The Search For Dr. Livingston, and Matt singlehandedly makes buffalo go extinct, fulfilling his plan were he ever to gain a time machine, in Super Amazing Wagon Adventure Turbo!
This week we play games that everyone else loved, but we somehow missed. Cody turns badass ancient Greek battles into a cure for insomnia in God of War, Nikki wishes she was owned a bunch of art because then she’d finally have some damn frames unlike in Perfect Dark, and Matt HutHuts in Tecmo Bowl!
Luckily, we humans have evolved the ability to repress trauma but today we trigger horrible memories of childhood! Matt is John Platoon, master of the platoon, ready to platoon around all damned day in Platoon, Cody goes on a secret mission from Charles Xavier to exterminate all the impure blood in the world in X-Men, and Nikki just makes us really disappointed in the Genesis in Cosmic Spacehead.
This week we take a look at Titus Software, makers of Superman 64, and are forcing ourselves to take on other parts of their poopy catalogue. Nikki finds out she’s impervious to palm trees, which we’ve kinda always known, in Lamborghini American Challenge; Matt spends his days wondering what the hell is happening with that coma patient heart attack athlete in Robocop; and Cody straight fucks a shark in Blues Brothers.
This week we play leaked unreleased games! Matt says fuck you, the ocean and he fucks the ocean in Fireteam Rogue! Nikki squirts out some novelties while surrounded by wine bottles in The California Raisins! And Cody finds he needs a few minutes to charge up his lasers he swears this has never happened before in Sunman!
This week our new ex-friend, Amber, decided to show how much she hates wishes we would stop talking to by picking our games for us. Nikki plays a game with so many vines you’ll wish the episode was six seconds in Snow White in Happily Ever After, Matt finds that the only way to win is through sexism in Belle’s Quest, Dylan tries to wrap enemies up in his gooey white secretions in The Adventures of Lolo, and Cody has us all wanting to take a trip to the glue factory Crystal’s Pony Tale.
This week we take on movie based games! Nikki resists the urge to stay on the pipe all night long in Home Alone, Dylan somersaults straight to Hell in Super Empire Strikes Back, Cody gets lost in a maze house which I guess qualifies as fulfilling my third wish from that monkey’s paw in the Wizard of Oz, and Matt shows off the impressive crouch functionality that took twenty years and four trillion dollars to develop in The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay.
It’s episode 50, and to celebrate, we’ve taken clips from past episodes that didn’t actually get released! Matt unleashes his acromegaly-fueled Kamehameha on the Son of God in the You Testament. Nikki pushes trees down with her head – in real life she just uses her titanic punches – The Land Before Time: Into The Mysterious Beyond. Dylan very, very slowly returns Godzilla to land of wind and ghost to fight for everlasting peace in Super Godzilla. Cody donkey kicks an oboe or something in Wayne’s World. And finally, Matt time travels to 6trillion BC to take off his panties in Time Gal.
This week we dive into comic book games for a second time! Cody and Matt punch cars and forklifts because that counts as saving the world I think in Marvel Heroes, Nikki proves just how fragile a godlike cosmic being can be in Silver Surfer, and Cody complains about the realistic physics behind attaching super-strong spider webbing to skyscrapers and propelling yourself with said webbing in Ultimate Spider-Man.
This week Cody is Erik Shatterhand, fighting for a future where Dr. Solidhand stops gravity or something in Shatterhand, Matt watches helplessly as his home planet explodes and everyone he ever loved dies in Star Fox 2, Nikki finds a Disney Genie that is a lot more like one of them Goosebumps episodes with the monkey paw in Aladdin, and Dylan does a much sexier dance than he usually does after committing genocides in Orcs Must Die 2 for the PC.
